Why People Won’t Agree With Your Ideas and How to Make Them
Mindset is a powerful thing. It can make the difference between a life spent in poverty and a life spent in wealth, between an average employee and an exceptional employee, or between an unhappy person and a happy one.
A mindset is the way you think about things that shape your perceptions. It can be detrimental to your success if it’s negative but it can also serve you well if it’s positive.
Being able to deal with difficult people is a skill that we all should have. It’s very difficult to go through a day without interacting with anyone who makes us uncomfortable.
Growing up, I had big ideas. When I was alone I would think of creative ways or opportunistic ventures. Unfortunately, my peers and friends did not, which is when we went about our own ways.
“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
Fortunately, you’re not alone and there are ways that successful people have used in order to achieve what they want. Below are three ways to deal with someone who doesn’t see your vision.
In my earlier days of business there were countless times of unnecessary arguments because of a clash of perspectives and strong emotions on certain matters. In the end it left everyone tired and not much closer to a solution.
That’s not to say there won’t be conflicts in what you do, it’s inevitable that there will be. However it’s important to know when to choose your battles to win the war. Never allow someone to influence your vision because of a state of fear. Change leads to disruption and people don’t like disruption, they like stability and comfort.
It’s important to note that when you bring about an idea of a business venture or particular vision you have, it may be difficult for others to grasp which can lead to a misunderstanding of ideologies and different world views.
The last thing you want is to engage with someone who simply doesn’t know what you know or hasn’t done the research and study like you have. People have limited views because of their upbringing or beliefs and ultimately their perspective. Trying to change or convince someone to see your point is like pushing a boulder up a hill. Their resistance pushes back on you.
Instead, ask them open ended questions to see how they think and what their thoughts on these matters are. Resist the temptation to interject and listen, don’t nod your head in agreement, but sit still and listen.
Take note of anything important, compliment their viewpoints and how they pointed out things you missed. This will allow them to be open to your influence later on as you address their concerns you listened patiently to.
Then go about your way continuing on your mission but don’t burn that bridge, you might need their cooperation later on to carry things through.
Tipping Point Leadership
In the book Blue Ocean Strategy by Renée Mauborgne and W. Chan Kim. Tipping Point Leadership is a key pillar of blue ocean strategy that is central to effectively overcoming organizational hurdles at low cost and with speed. Hurdles include Cognitive, Resource, Motivational and Political.
In the book, Bill Bratton was tasked to turn around the crime ridden state of New York with very little budget, unmotivated employees, and a host of doing things the old way with plenty of politics.
One of the methods he used to overcome a cognitive hurdle was when the NYPD issued much smaller vehicles that he thought were simply too small to ride around in with bullet proof vest and gear for sometimes ten to twelve hours a day.
Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced. -John Keats
Instead of arguing, he arranged to pick up a higher level associate and drove in the tiny car for two hours taking the scenic route and going over every pothole.
After being crammed for two hours in the vehicle, the passenger thought the vehicles were too small and needed to change them as soon as possible.
The tipping point sometimes comes when you have to show people what needs to be done by taking them through it and having them go through the experience. If you want change, you show it with your actions of sometimes not so pleasant realities and letting them experience how it feels. Not what they are told or preached to about.
With the right methods, friends and strategy, you can win and make your ideas come true. Understand that it won’t be easy, but it’s not impossible.
In fact, people with much less have achieved more, like Bill Bratton. Sometimes, it’s about doing things you haven’t done, changing your friend group, or taking the initiative of being the leader of change.
Get new friends
I used to take improvisational classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade and classes were focused on creating a Harold. Which is made up of characters and situations that are based on suggestions from the audience to create hilarious scenes and sometimes awkward situations.
One of the first things they taught us was the concept of yes, and. I learned powerful lessons in improvisation, one of them being that nothing was more awkward when someone in the scene didn’t agree or go along with the suggestion of their partner.
It went against what improvisation is at its heart, the ability to create on the spot with no preparation. When someone didn’t go along with an idea of the partner in the scene, it killed the scene.
Both participants are left with nothing to add because no, but shut down the possibility of creating a moment. No, but… is a big no no in improvisation, stay far away from no, but. After a practice Harold, those that didn’t fare well were called out and eventually improved over time. That’s how important it was.
Creation in the Harold is as important as it is in life and business, creation begins from nothing, then people add to it, gently shaping and forming it which then turns into a masterpiece.
Great people in your corner, yes, and… not so great people no, but.The people in your scene are going to either add to your idea and play along or they’re going to tell you things that shut down your idea. Have enough of these people in your life and you’ll be sure to end up with a bunch of ideas that never had the chance. If you find yourself not being able to grow, find new friends and expel the ones that say no and hold you back.